Blossom Russo’s Corn Cob Blues

January 11, 2012 § 1 Comment

I had a dentist appointment today and ran into Blossom Russo in the waiting room.  I greeted her warmly but she seemed cold and distant.  I asked her what was wrong but she seemed reluctant to tell me.  After some of my world famous charm Blossom began to spill the beans.  Apparently she had a scare in the bathroom the night before.  Beyond all comprehension, Blossom pooped out a corn cob which she said looked like it had been dipped in brownie batter.  The most perplexing aspect of this was that it had been over a year since Blossom had eaten corn.  I told her she was in the wrong waiting room and asked the receptionist if she could give Blosson the number of a good doody doctor.

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Ernest P. Worrell’s Butt Jug of Mello Yellow

January 3, 2012 § Leave a comment

Last night I met Ernest P. Worrell at the bar for some drinks.  We had a great time talking about glory days.  After five beers Ernest left the bar and went outside.  A few minutes later he walked back in with a funnel, a long twisty straw, and a can of Mello Yellow, all of which he placed on the bar.  Ernest proceeded to take off his pants and underwear and climbed on top of the bar.  He laid down, lifted his legs up behind his head and stuck his bare booty up into the air.  Ernest placed the funnel into his hiney, then opened the can of Mello Yellow and poured it all deep into his anal cavity.  Then he took out the funnel and placed one end of the straw into his mouth and the other end into his butthole.  He then proceeded to suck the Mello Yellow from his rump to his mouth.  Bar patrons watched in amazement and shouted “Ernest!  Ernest!  Ernest!”.  After Ernest sucked the last drop of Mello Yellow out of his cornhole he stood on top of the bar and said “hey Vern, that really hit the spot.”  After Ernest put his pants and underwear back on I asked him why he would do such a thing.  He told me that it made him feel good.  And I can’t argue with that.  A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.

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